"You spend so much time being part of other people's art, but what about your own? You jump at the opportunity to see someone else make art, but sleep yours away."
Damn #truth! Until recently I've always been part of other people's art, being an art model doesn't leave you room to do much else. I spent so much money in the last year buying art supplies that stay locked in a studio I barely spend time in. I follow other artists on social media, but everytime I get to mixed media I give up. Waxy soft color pencils were too difficult for my impatient nature.
This week was different. Fueled by hash and Adderall I drew and coloured, and for the first time I felt comfortable about what I'd done. I changed how I handled the markers, colouring in small circular motions and working quickly, changed my approach to colour pencils, bought a blender pencil and learned to sit with my style.
This morning I woke up feeling ready to dislike what I drew. I hesitantly walked downstairs to my studio, and crept to my desk where I left my drawing. The creamy colour of his skin was exactly what I wanted. My right hand throbbed in pain but I reveled in feeling something. The pain showed that my hours of nothing were worth something after all. I think before now I never let myself struggle, never let myself fully fail and keep trying. I'm learning that it's what you do with your struggle that truly makes you great.
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