Request Line

"This is a request Mr. Radio Man
Just one desire from a hip-hop fan, hey DJ! hey DJ
Play a record by my favourite band."
-Request Line by the Black Eyed Peas featuring Macy Gray

Life has a weird way of answering you if and when you decide to ask it questions.  You might or might not like the answers because the path is harder than the one you're willing to take, but life also has a strange way of becoming un-bearingly simple if you continuously take the easier path.

In my everyday life, I'm an illustration model for a fashion school.  I love my job, its the part of my week that I look forward to the most.  Understandably, its also the part of my week that I stress about the most.  I stress over what I'm going to wear, what poses I'll be able to do, if there's anything I could do to be better, but its a stress that I could and should probably learn to embrace.

I know that people have a rather glamorous ideal of what life as a model is really like. People think its all runways and designers, couture dresses and movie stars, but my life is nothing at all like that.  The only glamorous dresses I come across are the ones I walk past in the display case for student work, and the only fashion designers I know are still 'aspiring.'  There aren't any movie stars and even though I have a face that's worth looking at, my height makes runways an improbability.  I don't starve because I want to be skinny, most days I starve because I simply can't afford to eat.  My amazing made for fashion body is only the way it is because I'm too poor to gain weight.  The pain I deal with after work isn't anything anyone would want to photograph, but I love my job.

This morning, as I counted pennies to make it onto the train to work through bleary eyes (it was really early in the morning and sleep and I aren't friends) I prayed to the Universe for a sign that I should continue doing what I love even if my life is hard.  When I got to work, the teacher I work with gave me a hug and a plastic bag with a sweater set from Italy from the 80s.  This man single-handedly started my career.  When I had less hours than I do now, and I could barely afford to sneeze, he was the first to ask for me to model for his classes. I thought that was enough of a sign, but looking around at the student's portfolios, I saw more pictures of me than I expected.  I saw stuff from students who could barely draw 15 weeks ago.  On the way home a 70 year old man randomly told me "Do what you're passionate about in life.  You're young enough to make it work." Lastly, on the way home from work, a friend of mine gave me enough food to last until next week and she told me to come back if I needed more, and then she gave me $20 to make it to work next week.

The Universe answers if you let it.  Sitting here right now,  my life isn't picture perfect, most days the only moment of extravagance I can afford is a chai-tea latte from Starbucks. I'll never be rich, own fancy things, or walk a runway, but right now, this is the most grateful I've ever been for my life.  I'm blessed to have people who support me, people who have taken me into their lives and their family, or even said a kind word or two in passing.  I've lived to inspire people, to make people smile.  Maybe that's what matters over the money. 

I honestly believe that there's a way for me to do what I love and to live a lifestyle that is sustainable.  I don't believe that the Universe makes us to be miserable, but we as humans create our lives that way.  I'm hoping that the next year makes it possible for me to do what I love and to afford to eat at the very least.  That's what I'm asking the Universe for next.  Help me find a lifestyle that I love and sustains itself.