Blue Dream

It's been a strange day.  Another one that I might look back in a few years and forget existed.  You only get 365 of them a year, and 9 days into this one, my life seems too small and too defined for my liking.

I want to draw, paint, dance, but today, nothing inspired me.  I felt brain dead and sick at heart.  What's next? Just another day and yet, another day closer to nothing, or at least that's what I feel like.

I want much more than this provincial life

Everything hurts.  I found a huge bruise on my leg, and now the pain is real.  Everything hurts. Today hurts.

I'm never hungry anymore. Just barely any appetite. I had a sandwich earlier, but nothing else.  Everything hurts and I'm tired.  My muscles are burning away.

It really is now or never.

I'm punishing myself really.  I have one dream that inspires me, but not any faith in myself.